Perfect Day for Woman and Men

Baby name ideas, based on your occupation:

PROFESSION.................................NAME

Lawyer’s daughter.............................Sue

Thief’s son........................................Rob

Lawyer’s son.....................................Will

Doctor’s son......................................Bill

Meteorologist’s daughter.....................Haley

Here is our first multi-pack in English. The six jokes were picked up for your pleasure from this forum. Now sit back and n-joy!

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin’ abouta sexa? I’m just tellin’ my frienda how to spella ’Mississippi’."

posted by Quixote

* * * * *

A man was getting ready for work one morning when his wife looked at him

and said, "What is the matter with you? You look terrible." He replied that

he felt great.

The man went to work where his boss took one look at him and said, "What is

the matter with you? You look terrible." The man replied that there was

nothing wrong with him and that he felt great. The man went to lunch with a

client and the client looked at him and said, "What is the matter with you?

You look terrible." The man again replied that he felt great. The client

suggested he go to the doctor right away because he looked so bad.

The man went to the doctor, and when the doctor walked into the examining

room and saw him the doctor said, "My god, you look terrible." The man

explained that everyone was telling him that he looked terrible but that he

felt great.

The doctor said, "Are you sure you feel great?" The man reiterated that he

definitely felt great! The doctor got out his medical book and looked up

"looks terrible". After he found that he looked up the subsection "feels

great".

The doctor said, "I found it right here under ’looks terrible, feels

great’. The man, at this point very nervous, inquired to the doctor, "Tell

me, what is it?"

The doctor replied, "According to my book... you’re a vagina."

posted by Reszka

PERFECT DAY FOR A WOMAN

8:15
Wake up to hugs and kisses.

8:30
Weigh 5lbs. lighter than yesterday

8:45
Breakfast in bed, squeezed
orange juice and croissants

9:15
Soothing hot bath with
fragrant lilac bath oil

10:00
Light workout at club with
handsome, funny personal trainer.

10:30
Facial , manicure, shampoo, and comb out.

12:00
Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe.

12:45
Notice ex-boyfriend’s wife, she has gained 30 lbs.

1:00
Shopping with friends.

3:00
Nap.

4:00
A dozen roses delivered by florist.
Card is from a secret admirer.

4:15
Light workout at club followed
by a gentle massage.

5:30
Pick outfit for dinner.
Primp before mirror.

7:30
Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.

10:00
Hot shower. Alone.

10:30
Make love.

11:00
Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling

11:15
Fall asleep in his big, strong arms.

A PERFECT DAY FOR A MAN

6:00
Alarm.

6:15
Blowjob.

6:30
Massive dump while reading the sports section.

7:00
Breakfast.
Filet Mignon, eggs, toast and tea.

7:30
Limo arrives.

7:45
Bloody Mary en route to airport

8:15
Private jet to Augusta Georgia.

9:30
Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.

9:45
Play front nine at Augusta,
finish 2 under par.

11:30
Blowjob

11:45
Lunch.
2 dozen oysters on the half shell.
3 Heinekens.

12:15
Blowjob.

12:30
Play back nine at Augusta,
finish 4 under par.

2:15
Limo back to airport.
Drink 2 Bombay martinis.

2:20
Blowjob

2:30
Private jet to Nassau,
Bahamas. Nap.

3:15
Late afternoon fishing excursion
with topless female crew.

4:15
Blowjob

4:30
Catch world record light tackle marlin - 1249 lbs.

5:00
Jet back home.
En route, get massage from naked supermodel.

7:00
Watch Sportscenter.

7:30
Dinner.
Lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon,20oz. New York strip.

9:00
Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar.

10:00
Have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs.

11:00
Massage and Jacuzzi.

11:45
Go to bed.

11:46
One last blowjob

11:59
Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart.
Watch the dog leave the room.

12:00
Laugh yourself to sleep.

polish version

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